FINDING CLARITY IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS
The
majority of my clients call me for relationship readings. Relationships
are what drives our lives and are therefore an inescapable part of our
lives whether they fall under the category of romance or friendship. In
the end it’s all about how to effectively communicate with others. But
in order to do that we must first figure out how to communicate with
ourselves. I would like to say a few things about how we can remove the
obstacles that keep us from having the successful relationships we
desire.
I have been watching a video series which talks about how having more
clarity in one’s life can help us to achieve a better life for ourselves
and in the process, better relationships. In her videos specifically
about relationships, author Rada Conrad points out three major blocks
that keep one from having good relationships with others:
BLAME: when we use this block we seek to make others wrong so we can be
right. It is more important to be right then happy and fulfilled in a
relationship. When we blame others we make others responsible for our
lives and thereby make ourselves victims because we perceive ourselves
to lack true power. To resolve conflicts takes courage, truthfulness and
a willingness to cooperate with others. We can lift this block of blame
by speaking from the heart and mind simultaneously and by realizing
that we are the creators of our reality.
COMPARISON: When we use this block it causes us to look outside of
ourselves and feel hostile and intimidated towards the people we want to
attract thus lowering our vibrations as we feel anxious and insecure
about who we are by comparing ourselves to others. Comparison can lead
to competition with others as well. We’ve heard or seen the phrase
“whoever dies with the most toys wins”. Substitute toys with money or
friends and you can see how problematic that statement can be. We can
lift this block by encouraging others to be their best and to rejoice
when others succeed, knowing that we all rise and fall together.
SELF DOUBT: When we use this block we purposely withhold our truth for
fear we will show our faults. We allow self doubt to cause guilt that we
do not deserve to be in good relationships. Self defeating thoughts
like I am too old, not smart, not attractive; are glaring examples of
self doubt manifested by constant negative self talk . We can lift this
block by choosing to accept ourselves and to have the courage to
honestly share ourselves with others .
Author and artist Sark wrote about her process of falling in love with
herself . After a failed relationship she decided to enjoy her own
company, not only by living alone but vacationing alone, shopping,
dining and going to movies alone. She found herself falling in love with
herself was and content that she was good on her own. She decided to
“ease out of therapy” and vowed never to go back again now that she no
longer had to deal with relationships. And then she met a man. Her
point of course was to love yourself and be content with your own
company . The circumstances in my own life have given me the opportunity
to spend a lot of time alone because my husband has traveled
extensively throughout our marriage. These times alone are not only
enjoyable but have allowed me to be a more independent person within the
framework of a partnership. A few years ago I took a week long
vacation by myself to the beach. It was a town we had lived in years ago
and I have several friends still there, yet I spent most of my time
alone doing the things I wanted, totally on my own time schedule. It was
a fantastic experience for me. A relationship can only deter your sense
of self and independence if you use it as an excuse for your own lack
of willingness to engage in self growth.
Single, married, partnered. In the end it’s all about you.
